Teaching skills of positive behavior implies that parents have to know and practice them first themselves and then model them to their child. However, parents should not expect their child to acquire skills through observation or osmosis. A description of the skill is the first step in teaching and should include a definition and the abilities needed. Each skill has an objective which should be explained. The rationale for each skill should also be clarified. Thinking questions about the skill should also be asked to spark interest in the skill to be learned. Be ready to answer questions the child may ask about the skill. The parent can play the role of the coach.
As a behavior coach, the parent should pick a time to discuss a goal or goals with their child. A goal should be identified and agreed upon. The goal can be a daily, weekly, or monthly task depending on the child’s age, social development level, and complexity of the skill required. Potential obstacles to achieve the goal should be identified followed by ways to overcome the obstacles. A plan for achieving the goal should be written and daily coaching sessions should be held to review progress and performance. After progress is noted, coaching sessions can be less frequent. Documented behavior logs or records will be objective measures of the child’s progress. In many situations, the goals can be built into a child’s educational program with other adults and peers helping and monitoring.
For example, incomplete homework is a problem behavior that would need parental teaching. A goal would be set (homework completion on time without nagging). The steps to completing the homework plan would start with identifying homework as a necessary part of learning. The reasons why homework is important can then be explained. Making a plan for homework is a good way for the child to learn how to make plans and schedules and to learn to manage their time.
Many skills need environmental modifications. For a child who is weak in a certain skills, parents do not want to accommodate his or her weakness but rather to prompt them to work toward a new goal and provide the motivation to do so. Goals should be set so the child can succeed with some effort. The child’s effort should be reinforced and, by involving them as full partners, the goals can be visualized as real and attainable.
Techniques that often work in teaching a behavior skill are role playing and behavioral rehearsal. Role playing involves the parent playing the role of the child or someone else. The child can play the parent or someone else. This technique is effective in giving the child more insight into how he or she is perceived by others. Often, the child is unaware of how their behavior impacts others or causes negative reactions. Behavioral rehearsal involves redirecting inappropriate behavior to more desirable actions and continuing to practice the appropriate behavior until it is mastered. The rehearsal can also be expanded by generalizing behavior into more situations.
In order to achieve a homework completion goal, the child should make a homework plan. The following steps should be followed in order for the child to achieve his or her goal. The plan should include:
- Writing down subjects and assignments for which there is homework and making sure he or she understands what to do.
- Putting on top of a desk or table everything that must go home to complete the assignment.
- Placing all materials in his or her backpack or book bag.
- Checking off all items on a checklist. (See “Homework Planning Form”)
- Checking off assignments with which he or she will need help.
- Estimating how long each assignment will take to complete.
- Writing down the start time.
- Writing down the stop time.
- Writing down the total time for completion.
- Putting completed homework in backpack or book bag and turning it in at school the next day.
Parents should supervise their child in following the steps. A parent can observe the child while performing each step and provide feedback to improve performance. Praise the child when they successfully complete all the steps. Evaluate how well the child is successful and vice versa, as needed. As your child masters the steps, your supervision can fade. An incentive system to reward successful homework behavior is often beneficial as well. Points can be earned for each step completed successfully and for working independently.
Unfortunately, not all steps are successfully completed easily by your child. A chart about feelings and thoughts as well as “do’s and don’ts” can be made to help the child work through difficulties. A “Difficult Times Chart” can be posted showing when negative feelings are triggered and what can or can’t be done to alleviate them. Negative feelings such as anger, frustration, and being overwhelmed may be triggered by getting an assignment that the child perceives as “busy work”, unchallenging, or below his or her instructional level. On the other hand, when having trouble with a difficult assignment, the child can ask for help (from a parent or homework buddy), take a short 2-5 minute break, do relaxation exercises, talk to his or her teacher, express feelings verbally, and or break down the assignment into smaller parts. However, there are some “don’ts” as well, such as complaining or arguing in a loud voice, tearing or crumpling work sheets, ignoring the assignment or teacher, “shutting down”, distracting self or others with something else, or putting off the task. The “Difficult Times Chart” is a visual board to help the child with his or her options so that problem behavior can be replaced by better strategies. Replacement behaviors using role playing and behavioral rehearsal have been very successful in most cases.
When working with a child who has behavioral difficulties, there are several guidelines to consider. The task demands should be modified to match your child’s capacity for effortful work. It too little support is provided, the child will not be successful. If too much support is provided, the child will not be independent. Although gifted children learn many skills rapidly, the skills that show up as difficult to master will usually take longer than parents expect it to take. To attain the goal, the child performs to task independently without reminders. If this does not occur, the goal has not been reached and parents need to continue to provide some support and supervision.
Parents can improve their behavior coaching skills by understanding and following certain guidelines. When a parent perceives a specific problem behavior, research indicates “low permissiveness and low punishment” is a desired strategy. Thus, quick intervention is needed to enhance performing skills and lead to improved self-regulation. Ask your child to make a verbal commitment to engage in the desired behavior at a later time which will increase the likelihood that the behavior will be carried out. If your child can choose the behavior among options, he or she will be even more successful.
The first step in coaching is to ask your child to set goals. These goals can be short-term or long-term and can be behavioral, social, or academic depending on your child’s needs. Goals are best stated in positive terms such as “increase homework completion”. Once a goal is agreed upon, make daily plans linked to your child’s goal. Review plans made the previous day to see if actions were carried out as intended. Evaluate how well your child did what he or she said they would do. If they did not, ask, “Why not?” Problem solve any reasons for poor execution. If your child shows resistance, determine what the child was thinking and feeling when action was expected so that these reasons or factors can be overcome. The parent should also discuss the tasks their child plans to accomplish today, including a review of upcoming tests and long-term assignments. Have your child identify when and how he or she plans to do each task.
Additional guidelines for successful coaching include having a good communication link, organizational skills, and setting ground rules. A parent should be a good listener, be understanding, and able to teach more through questions than lectures. It is preferable that the child be willing to have his parent as a coach. In the beginning, the coaching sessions can be brief but must occur daily. The parents should provide much support initially and gradually fade with success. Although parents should not be intrusive, they will need to verify reports from their child. In the daily coaching sessions, parents may have to teach strategies in time management, planning, how to study, how to take tests, how to organize, and how to break down long-term assignments.
In my years of experience, I have found additional parenting suggestions to be helpful. When setting behavioral goals, you and your child may brainstorm potential obstacles that could hinder goal attainment. Overcoming these roadblocks should be achieved through problem solving techniques. In addition, teach your child how to evaluate his or her progress objectively and how to resist temptations. Frustration associated with obstacles to goal completion and the successful attainment of daily plans also has to be managed.
In conclusion, it is important to set certain behavioral goals with your child. Whatever the goals are, they should be agreed upon and then your child should be guided toward mastery. A goal is mastered when the child can complete the task independently without supervision on a consistent basis. Until then, a parent will have to provide some degree of assistance or support. Persistence and adherence to time limit or a schedule will also be important for goal attainment. Among the most important goals to be taught are a belief in the value of hard work, the importance of personal responsibility, and the significance of education itself. With these goals in mind, any individual will be more successful in life.